The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
