Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
