$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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