you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
