Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
