dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
