Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize