Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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