The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
