none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
