Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
