Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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