You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
