Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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