She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
