Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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