I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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