dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
