Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
