where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
