Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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