and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
