So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
