True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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