just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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