if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
