The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
