the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize