I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
