How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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