Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
