I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
