remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We got so high we made milksteak
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
