What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
