Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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