I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize