so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
