Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
