that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
