I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
