i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
