Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
