That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
