you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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