Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
