booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
