Texts From Last Night

(917): View more from New York City

I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

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Male anatomy just requires frequent flushing of the system, especially when you're young. If you don't take care of it, God will give you a hand job in your sleep.

Submitted by FistedSister on Jun 1, 10 at 12:15am

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- that is the coolest way ive ever heard it put
  
  Submitted by Leto on Jun 1, 10 at 1:19am
  
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- best description ever.
  
  Submitted by Anonymous55 on Jun 1, 10 at 7:06am
  
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Or you could get a gf...just a suggestion

Submitted by smpl2plz on May 31, 10 at 11:05pm

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don't worry. when you get out of middle school things will turn around for you.

Submitted by jasboo on Jun 1, 10 at 12:15am

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Why would this guy send this to anyone?

Submitted by Futbolisto on Jun 1, 10 at 12:18am

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WOWSERS I JUST MADE A MESS N MY TROUSERS!! lol

Submitted by bigmike1016 on May 31, 10 at 11:30pm

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- ahhh eminem <3
  
  Submitted by massgirl88 on May 31, 10 at 11:56pm
  
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Hand job in my sleep :p yeess

Submitted by sabbath03 on Jun 1, 10 at 8:18am

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What a rookie. Even the fucking pope knows that the ONLY time jizz can be called a waste is if it DOESN'T get everywhere.

Submitted by stantheman on May 31, 10 at 11:17pm

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Are you eleven?

Submitted by Anonymous on May 31, 10 at 11:53pm

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Story of my life ...

Submitted by bamafan on Jun 1, 10 at 12:57am

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Congrats, you're a dude. Well done.

Submitted by Herschel on Jun 1, 10 at 2:49am

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Get laid.

Submitted by aznasshole on May 31, 10 at 11:11pm

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Then maybe you should beat your meat and not post it on the internet? Hahaha

Submitted by BalackOBombsUs on May 31, 10 at 11:04pm

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This person's definitely older than twelve based on the level of vocabulary, inclusion of vowels, and lack of random retarded abbreviations.

Submitted by anonmyous on Jun 1, 10 at 3:57pm

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This is why I always sleep in boxers + something else, so it DOESN'T get everywhere.

Submitted by arthurlux on May 31, 10 at 11:46pm

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It's copying your use of E's.

Submitted by CannonPop on Jun 1, 10 at 4:15am

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dudes a rookie..

Submitted by mrhighflyin on Jun 1, 10 at 9:11am

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Why do 13 year olds have cell phones anyway

Submitted by tanflipflopgirl on Jun 1, 10 at 7:27am

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Nice, so let's put that in my wet warm mouth instead

Submitted by tazz36 on Jun 2, 10 at 10:29am

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Wow I've never had a wet dream so I don't get what this guys talkin bout but he deff ain't gettin laid

Submitted by trigger10 on Jun 1, 10 at 9:54am

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Literally the best reply ever...

Submitted by UniKid14 on Jun 1, 10 at 2:53pm

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You really need to get laid!

Submitted by cfreymarc on Jun 1, 10 at 2:11am

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I love the loyalty to Jill

Submitted by mauiwowie on May 31, 10 at 11:46pm

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I jerk it 3 times a day ;) haha

Submitted by mrcjq on Jun 1, 10 at 6:59am

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Jesus Christ. This is why 12-year-olds should NOT be allowed cell phones...

Submitted by citizenkane on Jun 1, 10 at 12:50pm

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Hahaaa

Submitted by niksterr22 on Jun 1, 10 at 1:30am

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Haha you're a retard!! Always bring a towel!!

Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 1, 10 at 11:35pm

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but you only said crab infested. not dirt and crust infested... hmmm contradicting?

Submitted by texter101 on Jun 1, 10 at 12:59am

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why are middle schoolers posting to this site?

Submitted by Anonymous1024 on Jun 1, 10 at 12:24am

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Amatuer - skipping 3 days... Middle schoolers

Submitted by Michguy on Jun 1, 10 at 8:02am

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A wet dream is when you orgasm and then jizz in your sleep (studying for a health final)

Submitted by anonymous8 on Jun 1, 10 at 12:27am

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- Thanks, we were wondering.
  
  Submitted by citizenkane on Jun 1, 10 at 12:52pm
  
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first!!!! ahh shit, nevermind

Submitted by heavyweight420 on Jun 1, 10 at 12:36am

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If you're not 12, which there's a high possibility you might be... then you need to get a gf OR dump the one you have cause she's not doing her job!!!!!!

Submitted by FunSizeLatina on Jun 1, 10 at 10:30am

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I think this panzie is 12.

Submitted by 51sports on Jun 1, 10 at 12:15am

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your jizz is black? you should probably get that checked out :/

Submitted by texter101 on Jun 1, 10 at 12:54am

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69th person to like o yeh

Submitted by killakisha on May 31, 10 at 11:56pm

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This guys 12. Or 11. Either way he really needs to just slow down and.... Wait. Did he not do it for three days?! Amateur.

Submitted by RtGxTLx on Jun 1, 10 at 12:40am

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When I jerk off my mothers crab infested patch of pubic hair gets covered in so much jizz it looks like Bp had another oil spill

Submitted by boboclownsykins on Jun 1, 10 at 12:46am

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First

Submitted by lolwtfidk101 on May 31, 10 at 11:04pm

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No contradiction. Hairy, dirty, yummy, crabby mom puss... Mmmmmm yum

Submitted by boboclownsykins on Jun 1, 10 at 1:06am

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No but the jizz mixes with all the dirt and crust and makes a pasty black substance that my sister loves to eat on eggs

Submitted by boboclownsykins on Jun 1, 10 at 12:57am

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(917): View more from New York City

Comments

Submitted by FistedSister on Jun 1, 10 at 12:15am

Submitted by Leto on Jun 1, 10 at 1:19am

Submitted by Anonymous55 on Jun 1, 10 at 7:06am

Submitted by smpl2plz on May 31, 10 at 11:05pm

Submitted by jasboo on Jun 1, 10 at 12:15am

Submitted by Futbolisto on Jun 1, 10 at 12:18am

Submitted by bigmike1016 on May 31, 10 at 11:30pm

Submitted by massgirl88 on May 31, 10 at 11:56pm

Submitted by sabbath03 on Jun 1, 10 at 8:18am

Submitted by stantheman on May 31, 10 at 11:17pm

Submitted by Anonymous on May 31, 10 at 11:53pm

Submitted by bamafan on Jun 1, 10 at 12:57am

Submitted by Herschel on Jun 1, 10 at 2:49am

Submitted by aznasshole on May 31, 10 at 11:11pm

Submitted by BalackOBombsUs on May 31, 10 at 11:04pm

Submitted by anonmyous on Jun 1, 10 at 3:57pm

Submitted by arthurlux on May 31, 10 at 11:46pm

Submitted by CannonPop on Jun 1, 10 at 4:15am

Submitted by mrhighflyin on Jun 1, 10 at 9:11am

Submitted by tanflipflopgirl on Jun 1, 10 at 7:27am

Submitted by tazz36 on Jun 2, 10 at 10:29am

Submitted by trigger10 on Jun 1, 10 at 9:54am

Submitted by UniKid14 on Jun 1, 10 at 2:53pm

Submitted by cfreymarc on Jun 1, 10 at 2:11am

Submitted by mauiwowie on May 31, 10 at 11:46pm

Submitted by mrcjq on Jun 1, 10 at 6:59am

Submitted by citizenkane on Jun 1, 10 at 12:50pm

Submitted by niksterr22 on Jun 1, 10 at 1:30am

Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 1, 10 at 11:35pm

Submitted by texter101 on Jun 1, 10 at 12:59am

Submitted by Anonymous1024 on Jun 1, 10 at 12:24am

Submitted by Michguy on Jun 1, 10 at 8:02am

Submitted by anonymous8 on Jun 1, 10 at 12:27am

Submitted by citizenkane on Jun 1, 10 at 12:52pm

Submitted by heavyweight420 on Jun 1, 10 at 12:36am

Submitted by FunSizeLatina on Jun 1, 10 at 10:30am

Submitted by 51sports on Jun 1, 10 at 12:15am

Submitted by texter101 on Jun 1, 10 at 12:54am

Submitted by killakisha on May 31, 10 at 11:56pm

Submitted by RtGxTLx on Jun 1, 10 at 12:40am

Submitted by boboclownsykins on Jun 1, 10 at 12:46am

Submitted by lolwtfidk101 on May 31, 10 at 11:04pm

Submitted by boboclownsykins on Jun 1, 10 at 1:06am

Submitted by boboclownsykins on Jun 1, 10 at 12:57am

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