In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
