My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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