He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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