I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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