Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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