She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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