Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize