God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
