There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
