Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
