I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize