Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
