My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
