you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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