I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I supernannyed him into submission
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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