well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
