Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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