So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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