Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
