guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
