im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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