I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
