my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
