WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
