And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
