I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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