No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
