i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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