pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize