Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
