Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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