she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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