well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
