i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
