At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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