I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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