i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
only if we run a train.
done.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize