just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize