I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize