Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
