He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
