no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
