Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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