I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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