I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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