tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
