i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
