Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
