I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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