Life is so much better after having sex.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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