you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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