He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
