we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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