like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
