Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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