I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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