well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
