OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
